I’ve fallen in love with someone I should’t have, and now all I can do is feel the pain and jealousy of everything he does.
He was at my house last night, in his car, near my house. We were quite the distance away so no one could hear us, especially my screams… We sat there for a little while, and we talked. It’s never the same conversations, which is good! But I can’t bring up the conversations I want to have, like my feelings, only because I know he has none for me…
It’s odd though, I’ll whip out my phone and I’ll see that I have 3-4 messages from people (majority are guys) and he always reads them. One time, he grabbed my phone from my hands and went through all my messages, reading them and saying “You talk to a lot of guys”. He continued to look through it. He then asked why I didn’t have a password on my phone and I said because I don’t have anything to hide. I wanted to continue saying ” I don’t have anything to hide from you…” but I have to keep my words to a minimum.
As the night went on last night, I went down on him and because it’s one of the things I do best, I can tease the hell out of him. I know he LOVES it! While I was down there, he’d feel all over my body, my curves, everything. He’ll try to take my shirt and bra off to see my breasts but last night, I didn’t let him. I continued to push him away and watched his facial expression become confused, I liked that.
When I gradually started to force him away, he thought it was a joke. The whole scenario about “not wanting it but really you want it, a lot”. I shook my head, giggled and smiled. He tried touching me one last time and I held his arm so forcefully against his car seats it was hurting me. He knew by then that the scenario was what he thought it was. He began to lay me down and slowly indicate I take off my bottoms and panties, and so I did.
But the sad thing is, it won’t ever be more than just a sex relationship…
I would confess that I’ve gained huge feelings for him, but it’d be so pointless.